they've done it again

so im mildly obsessed with NappyTabs. don't judge me.

here's their latest masterpiece. and yes, i noticed the shout out to bleeding love at 1:18.

brianna's baptism

i headed up to chi-town a few weekends ago to see my brand new niece get baptized. mary had pulmonary embolisms (read: blood clots in her lungs) so we got to see her in the hospital on saturday. on a happier note, notre dame won, barely, but whatever. we also managed to spend an hour at borders, matty and i watched hurt locker in our hotel room, and we went to a sweet seafood restaurant where i got a very delicious steak.

thank goodness ben remembered his camera since no other martin's did. where the heck is MF when you need her?

katie, bri, and jeff at brunch little house on the prairie bri

gpa and gma martin lots of martin faces

why am i rooting for the phillies like they're the cardinals?

dear philly,

congrats on the win tonight. i'm sorry, but there is absolutely no chance that you'll actually win two more in the bronx.

this makes me sad for two reasons:

1. i HATE the yankees
2. im a sucker for the hometown hero, ryan howard (who by the way couldn't find a way to make solid contact if he was being pitched a watermellon)

so since your season is basically over after tonight, here are just a few things to work on for next season:

1. a closer - lidge is ridiculously awful and the rest of your bullpen is less than helpful in the 8/9th innings
2. new outfielders who know how to charge a shallow fly ball and throw out a tagging runner. seriously, every little leaguer knows this. yes, feel free to be ashamed of yourself.
3. figure out who's supposed to cover 3rd base when a dude steals second. that was just the definition of embarrassing for all 17 of you who could've/should've/would've been covering.
4. oh and seriously, ryan howard, get it together already. you're all st louis has left these days since the cards decided they'd rather try for the pennant next season, with mark mcgwire as our hitting coach . . . . what was wrong with getting hot when the post season started, ill never know.

anyways, good luck next year (except when you're playing my birds),

allie

i tend to enjoy the other guy more than the original.

wow. me gusta mucho. sometimes i think i like the cover versions of songs instead of the real thing. this is evidence A.

Evidence B? the fray's cover of heartless.

gmail went down and i was sad

why gmail failed today

very interesting.  i love twitter - it tells me everything i ever needed to know about my pop culture life.  

true that, double true!

article: the 12 most annoying people on facebook

so so so right on.  

rest stop

i'm home right now after being gone for most of the last few weeks of july and getting ready to head to kenya later this week. its been busy busy busy and from the look of my bedroom floor you can tell i've been living out of a suitcase and not taking the time to unpack in a very neat and orderly way.  and i wish i could take a deep breath and breathe for a few days before heading of to africa - but instead my "to-do" list just keeps growing and growing.  and i know when i tell myself, "its ok you'll sleep on the plane" that rest is nowhere near the top of that list.  

but i am longing for rest.  i'm longing for boredom.  i'm longing for the chaos that is my brain right now to be paused so i can gain some sense of (cheap) control.  you know, that was my goal for this summer - to be bored.  i thought i really could pull it off in may.  i looked at my calendar for the summer and saw i had 3 major trips - one right in the beginning, one right in the middle and one right at the end.  and i THOUGHT, that was ALL i would do this summer would be:  go on those 3 trips, hang out with HS girls and sleep in a lot.  HA.  i laugh at myself now for being naive. i know myself better than this.  

and then i was reminded today of what REAL rest is.  and that i can experience rest at any time, anywhere, and that it has pretty much nothing to do with whether or not i've gotten 10 hours of sleep that night or not.  instead, i'm reminded that when i actually take the time to see who i am and then whose i am - that then, and only then, is my heart ever truly at rest.  i like to think that doing nothing and having nothing required of me is what will make my heart feel rested.  and sometimes this is necessary.  but i OFTEN believe the lie that this is all i need to feel recharged.  b/c my problem is that i am often trying to do it all on my own.  I'm trying to save myself and everyone else with no reliance on anyone or thing but myself.  and man is it exhausting.  and yes, i'm learning.  and yes i'm growing, and yes its not always this way, but i really am longing for is the day when i see my need for christ as so important that i'm going to him and his word first before i go into "allie can fix any problem you throw at her on her own" mode.  

because that day will be a very very restfull day.  

things to remember when i have kids

so in college, i was an HDFS major (human development and family studies) which means i learned a thing or two about healthy/well functioning families.  combine that with lots of babysitting/nannying/several years of doing youth ministry, a large fear of screwing up my kids indefinitely (if i ever have them), and a general joy in making list, and you have a LARGE mental list of do's and don'ts when raising children.  also, i was inspired by a recent post by marta.  

here's what i got so far.....

1. don't compare kids - ever. ever. ever.
2. b/c your kids are different they're going to require different things.  this might mean that they should go to different schools.  be prepared for this.  also, college does not have to be the next thing after graduating high school.  but, it probably will be.....
3. let kids try to settle their arguments before jumping in to solve all their problems for them. 
4. give kids choices whenever possible.  
5. allow natural consequences to these choices whenever possible.
6. over-scheduling kids = big mistake.
7. expose kids to people of all ages/races/cultures/types of food.  open mindedness is a good thing.  obviously.
8. discipline is a good thing.
9. get on your knees a PRAY for your kids.  every day.  
10. playing hard = connecting hard
11. kids are eventually going to use the toilet.  there is no use trying to force them to do this 4 months before they're ready for it.
12. read to your kids.  when they're older, read what they're reading.
13. have family meetings, and let the kids be heard.  obviously, parents make the final decision but giving them a voice is HUGE - find solutions that work for everyone, when possible.  when not possible, teach them about sacrifice.
14. giving in to your kids when they whine is NEVER a good idea.
15. be honest with them.  they deserve to hear the truth.  
16. apologize when you're wrong.  mean it when you do.
17. your job as a parent is NOT to be their entertainment director.
18. allow your kids to fail and teach them how to deal with it in a healthy way.
19. common areas need to be kept clean and organized, personal rooms can be up for discussion.
20. sometimes kids need to sit in their own crap to see the truth.  sometimes kids need a swift kick in the rear to get them to listen to reason.  this tension is easier to manage the better you know your kids.  pray for wisdom still.
21. teach your kids about sin and their depravity.  teach them more still about the grace they are being freely offered.
22. allow kids to experience what QUIET feels like.
23. encourage kids to try as many different activities/sports as they want/can.  let them figure out what they're good at and what makes them come alive.
24. practice biblical femininity, masculinity, and hospitality to them.
25. keep working out your own crap - its going to get passed on to your kids otherwise.  or worse, it will distract you/hurt them in the process.
26. laugh. as much as possible.
27. fight the battle between respecting their privacy and knowing what they're doing when they are not with you.
28. just b/c they've texted you telling you they're going to their friends house does NOT mean they are actually going there at all.  trust is good - but people are capable of lying too.  don't be naive.  
29. don't categorize kid's friends as good or bad influences.  they are all made in the image of god - and ought to be treated as such.
30. demonstrate to them what it looks like to struggle well.  
31. teach them an appreciation for where they come from.  both historically and familial. 
32. ensure that they are aware that the entire world does not revolve around the USA - display world maps.  
33. encourage them to learn more about the things they are curious about.  
34. enlighten them in the joys of bold love.
35. remember that it is developmentally appropriate for them to think they know everything when they are 12-21.  be gracious in this even though it can get annoying.  
36. take lots of pictures.  display their artwork.  encourage them to express themselves in as many ways as possible.  
37. crying is completely ok.  fake tears with the intention of manipulation are not.  
38. on that note, ALL emotions are ok and valid (hurt, joy, anger, fear etc.).
39. writing thank you notes should be valued.
40. make having a sabbath day a priority.  
41. talk to them about life from the beginning.  then when they're 14 it won't be as awkward.
42. consider having foster kids.
43. promote recycling, reusing, and not wasting paper towels.  
44. no TVs in their rooms
45. going on individual dates with them is a good thing.  make it a priority.
46. encourage an appreciation for hymns.  
47. a crisis usually =s a teachable moment, so use them for such.  
48. remind kids to say their pleases and thank yous.
49. don't live through your kids.  thats just embarrassing to all parties involved.
50. remember that everything always changes.  but don't forget to enjoy them.  

and i'm spent.....for now atleast. 

recently, i've decided....

1. if i ever get married my honeymoon will be a cruise/vacation to alaska.  i randomly happened upon a random person's "alaskan cruise" fb photo album and decided this would be the only thing i would actually enjoy.  plus it would take care of one of the harder states to cross off in my quest to visit all 50.  furthermore, i hate the beach.  i'm not a big camper - especially not on my honeymoon and traveling anywhere with significant time changes is just not worth it for 10 days.  
2. i need to read more this summer.  i LOVE reading, why dont i do it more often? i'm turning into my father - i buy books and books and books and somehow never get around to reading them all.  i'm needing to buy a new bookshelf soon....don't let me buy one until i've read all the books i've already bought please.
3. i don't think i can have children while i'm still in my 20s.  maybe i'll be less selfish when i'm in my 30s but i just have no desire whatsoever to spend my life taking care of someone else.  i know i know, its fulfilling and life changing and great and whatever - but as of right now, there is no way i wouldn't resent a child that i brought into this world.  this might make me a horrible person but that's just the stark realization i've come to in the last few weeks.  but i still adore my niece.  but i get to give her back anytime she screams too much :)
4. i don't EVER want to get paid to do ministry.  that would make it a job and i don't ever want to show up to loving on kids and think that i HAVE to be there (or else).  i would suck at separating the two and i'm convinced my ministry would suffer.  this probably means god is going to lead me to take a ministry job in the next 3-7 years.  awesome!
5. i need to invest in a portable massage chair.  i just sat in one while watching a movie and everything is right in the world again.  ahhhhh.....

san fran

its still summer, this i know.  however, i get two weeks off for spring break in march and i'm already planning my vacation.  me and the roomies (marta + sharon) and maybe kate the great are thinking san fran/wine country/day trip to see jenna in oregon.  ((carrie you should come too))

here's my must do list:

1. the reason i suggest we go here in the first place: ALCATRAZ
2. the second reason this is going to be the best trip EVER: napa valley!
3. b/c im a total nerd and enjoy history - a visit to the historic vessels at San Francisco Maritime National Historical Park and USS Pampanito submarine museum & memorial at Fisherman's Wharf 
4.  the Winchester Mystery House.....OMG!  
5.  for sharon: land of country estates  includes a 36,000 square-foot mansion and European-inspired gardens
6. of course the golden gate bridge
7. seeing jenna in salem
8. a hunt for the full house house
9. many many many scenic pictures on cute/hilly san fran streets
10. food food food....yummy yummy yummy!

my niece is adorable

      

      

jeff is sending me more pictures tomorrow so i'll add those asap.  in the meantime, here are a few from my cell phone when i went up to chicago the last two days.  it was AWESOME.  another highlight from the trip: i spent the night at katie and jeff's house while they were still in the hospital - and they have all the seasons of west wing.  so guess what i did?  ate pad thai and watched 5 episodes of martin sheen kick butt.  that was also awesome.  but not as awesome as meeting brianna - b/c homegirl is ADORABLE!

high//low

high: happy birthday to brianna kay stewart.  born on the 5th of july.  this makes me an aunt, officially.

low: Roger Federer beat Andy Roddick 5-7 7-6 7-6 3-6 16-14 in an epic final on Sunday.  i love andy roddick, as of today.  

high: i actually understand what that above scoring means, thanks to mr. tony howard

low: movie tickets cost 9 bucks these days.  LAME

high: give a damn team headed out to live the dream of making a documentary about what really works to fight and end world wide poverty

low: rain on the fourth of july.

high: pujols, molina, and franklin headed to the all-star game.

baby time

im heading to chicago monday and tuesday.  

why you might ask.  

b/c my sister katie is in LABOR!  

that's right, i'm about to become an aunt to a little baby girl.  im super duper pumped!

she'll probably be born tomorrow. eeeeeeeee!!!!! im sooo happy!

these are my confessions

confession: i follow tabitha and napoleon on twitter.

confession: i follow basically everyone asscociated with SYTYCD on twitter.

confession: b/c i follow nappytab and dizzyfeet (nigel) on twitter i know 2 things.  the first is that i'm pretty sure that T&N are choreographing some of the dances on tomorrow night's show and the second is that nigel said they are working on doing an entire night dedicated to MJ which means every dance would be to a different Jackson song.  

confession: if billie jean and man in the mirror are not 2 of those dances i will die.

new addiction....but im ok with it

i've recently become addicted to the west wing.  something about white house politics intrigues me.  

i love the history. i like the language they use (its quite clever and meaningful). i like the battle they're constantly fighting.  i like feeling like i'm on the inside to a very prestigious and secretive group.  i like the challenge of figuring the show out - they leave little mysteries here and there for me to discover and figure out.  

all i can say is: thank god for TiVo, if i had to wake up at 7 am to actually watch this show my dreams of vicariously living through TV characters to fulfill my dream of working for the POTUS would never be possible.  

i'm usually not afraid of flying BUT....

i'll be flying to kenya in august.  should i be nervous?  here's a CNN article that talks about another airplane crash in the last month....not to mention the plane that went down on the Hudson a little while ago.  

this, combined with the HORRIBLE luck i had in early june trying to get out of destin, florida to make it to cassie's wedding makes me less than excited about my 36 hour journey i'll be embarking on to nairobi.  

ok, airline industry, get it together already.  

coincidence?

here is a very reliable facebook trend i've noticed in the last 5 days:

every HS kid under the age of 16 thinks that transformers 2 is the best movie EVER.

every person over the age of 16 thinks that transformers 2 was annoying and lame.

coincidence....i think not.

sidenote: i dodged the bullet of having to watch the first transformers tonight while watching the brugner kids.  instead, we watched a scratchy disk of hoot.  some movie no one besides the brugner family has ever heard of :)  winner = me.

in honor of tonight

tonight, i'll be watching sytycd with some of my KREW girls (and taylor/Qadam?). 

tonight, i'm praying tabitha and napoleon are back (sorry shane sparks, you underwhelm me).

tonight, i'm hoping i get to see a dance that makes me as happy as this one

              

the prodigal god

i do love tim keller.  i mean whats not to love about the man?  i read him everyday i spent in Uganda.  reading him and listening to the crossing sermons is what made those 2 months not turn into spiritual suicide for me.  but i digress. 

so currently im reading the prodigal god, by mr. keller.  its great. and short. and an easy read.  all things good!   and tim keller is once again kicking my butt.  i mean seriously, the man is good.  so here's what im learning, in bullet points, of course!

side note: in case you were unaware the book TPG, is based on the luke 15 parable the prodigal son.....or if you're a keller fanatic (like me) you've renamed it to be the parable about the 2 lost sons.

• so the dad has 2 sons.  one son asks for his inheritance early and runs off and spends it within days/months and the other dutiful son stays at home faithfully serving his father.  obviously, i like to tell this story to all my non believing KREW kids as a way to encourage them to run to Jesus so that they might be forgiven of their sins.  YAY!  everyone can go home happy, right?  NO.  keep reading (allie).  the older son, the "pharisee" is me.  and here's why: while the older son  seems to be the "good" boy who faithfully serving his dad the whole time he actually doesn't get the gospel of grace at all.  see all the older son wants his dad's money/influence/stamp of approval.  he doesn't actually want anything to do with a relationship with him.  isn't this my heart?  the other day, i was leaving a friend and we we're talking about a difficult situation i'm in.  (i know, i being vague, get over it).  she asked me what repentance looked like for me in all of it - what would it look like if i stopped doing things the way i've always done them b/c im acting out of wounds and self-protection and what if i actually let my good and perfect father change me and mold me more and more into the woman of god he's created me to be.  and do you want to know what i said?  i told her, i don't want to repent, i want to be right.  ha.  oh i wish it weren't true.  i wish i wasn't so broken, but i am and we all are.   i am the older brother who doesn't want to attend the feast b/c im too happy(?) thinking i'm right and that what god is offering me couldn't possibly be better than my self-diagnosed CORRECT view on life.  oh lord, have mercy on me.

• i think i am a prodigal pharisee.  that's right, sometimes i do actually repent ;) and when i do, i do run into my father's loving and forgiving arms. and it is sweet.  so so so sweet.  now if i could just stop sinning altogether.......

• i admire the younger son.  at least he is being honest with god/his dad.  i mean sure he brings all sorts of shame and disgrace to his family by giving his dad a big "F" you and asking for his inheritance early.  sure he goes and spends his money with out a care in the world and sure he ends up eating and sleeping with the pigs.  BUT at least he's not pretending like everything is OK and being all deceitful by acting like he loves his father when he really can't even stand to be in the same room as him.  at least he sees his need for forgiveness.  i am often the older brother, i am often too blind to even see my own need, i am often the one lying to myself and thinking that i'm just fine and jesus' death isn't really on my top 5 list of necessary things to get through my day
  

dang it tim keller.  dang it.  i was doing just fine telling my easy parable to lost HS kids, why'd you have to go and make it all life-changing and amazing applicable to my OWN life.  dang it!

from forever and a half ago

i got back from a l'abri conference in Rochester, Minnesota Sunday and since then I've been processing the 10 lectures i heard in 2 days.  oh wait, only 9 bc i finally wised up and skipped the one on classical music that i never understand.  side note: i once played 12 softball games in 3 days and now that i think about it l'abri always kicks my butt way more than that weekend did.  however, my tolerance is building.  its about time after 4 years.

so back to the point - something I've been mulling over in my head for the last year or so is idea of marriage or rather, what is the point of marriage and can i really see myself not being so scared of it that i would actually walk down the aisle and take vows with  a man to spend the rest of my life with him.  so obviously, this isn't coming for nowhere - there are some pretty obvious correlations between the hurt in my life and the fears i have of saying i do.  

but i also know that i am very much influenced by the post modern culture i live in and that questioning marriage is just about as cool as going green and voting for change.  i was talking to marta and sharon about this one night as i was processing through the pro/con list i was making for marriage and i mentioned that someone should right a book about how my generation has been burned by crappy marriages/relationships and so are now choosing to not get married and all the reasons that go into this phenomena.  well, of course marta has that book on her bookshelf so i borrow it.  of course its a pretty cheesy christian book she had to get for seminary but it basically answered the very question i was asking.  

so fast forward a few weeks to now.  i've been to labri, i've skimmed marta's book, i've made my pro/con list, read what the bible has to say on the marriage issue, and read some dan allender.  here's what i've come up with:

1. marriage is not about making me happy.  marriage is about god getting glory and about me being sanctified, which according to mr. piper, "god is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him"  my heart will be the most satisfied when i am chasing after Him and not other things that hinder my race.  however, b/c people suck at loving (me especially) there will be incredible amounts of pain in a marriage relationship, however do i follow god b/c its easy and painless or b/c i see that christ is my greatest need?   
2. in all of my HDFS classes we talked about the triangle of "something" in relationships.  basically its the 3 parts of any relationship - passion, companionship, and commitment.  sometimes relationships are lacking or missing altogether one of its legs and thus reduces enjoyment but does not necessarily lead to breakups.  however, god desires us to have all 3 in our marriages.  i however, have serious issues with seeing marriage as a relationship that is just bound to end up standing on commitment alone and therefore i don't ever want to enter into something that could end in that crap hole of existence.
3. i look around the marriages in my life and i see 2 things.  #1 the couple that are still together are dysfunctional and unaware of this and therefore unattractive or #2 dysfunctional and aware that they are so but no doing so well in the redemption of the relationship aspect of it all.  this is also unattractive.
4. my biggest fear about marriage, if I'm really really really honest, is that I'll blow it and "be found out."  if you know me, then you know i don't like to be wrong, ever.  if you know me, you know I'm slowly slowly slowly growing in this.  if you know me, you've probably been a casualty of my self-protecting ways.  if i know the lord, then i know one thing - that its not about whether or not if i blow it.  its about the fact that i am going to blow it, and going to screw up relationships in a major way.  this is so not the point.  the point is what i do after i blow it.  do i repent, ask for forgiveness from my abundantly graceful father and those whom i have sinned against?  or do i run away in shame b/c i don't want to experience the chance of restoration in my relationships.  that after all, would involve some serious risking.  oh to actually experience restoration and fight for relationships!  oh to "get" grace.  oh to run into my father' arms and experience his mercy.  

the longer i sit in this the more i see my sin.  and the more i see my sin the more i have to become the prodigal son.  and more i become the prodigal son the more i have to run back to my father.  and the more i have to run back to my father the more i see my need.  i guess that's the point after all, right??