so in college, i was an HDFS major (human development and family studies) which means i learned a thing or two about healthy/well functioning families. combine that with lots of babysitting/nannying/several years of doing youth ministry, a large fear of screwing up my kids indefinitely (if i ever have them), and a general joy in making list, and you have a LARGE mental list of do's and don'ts when raising children. also, i was inspired by a recent post by marta.
here's what i got so far.....
- don't compare kids - ever. ever. ever.
- b/c your kids are different they're going to require different things. this might mean that they should go to different schools. be prepared for this. also, college does not have to be the next thing after graduating high school. but, it probably will be.....
- let kids try to settle their arguments before jumping in to solve all their problems for them.
- give kids choices whenever possible.
- allow natural consequences to these choices whenever possible.
- over-scheduling kids = big mistake.
- expose kids to people of all ages/races/cultures/types of food. open mindedness is a good thing. obviously.
- discipline is a good thing.
- get on your knees a PRAY for your kids. every day.
- playing hard = connecting hard
- kids are eventually going to use the toilet. there is no use trying to force them to do this 4 months before they're ready for it.
- read to your kids. when they're older, read what they're reading.
- have family meetings, and let the kids be heard. obviously, parents make the final decision but giving them a voice is HUGE - find solutions that work for everyone, when possible. when not possible, teach them about sacrifice.
- giving in to your kids when they whine is NEVER a good idea.
- be honest with them. they deserve to hear the truth.
- apologize when you're wrong. mean it when you do.
- your job as a parent is NOT to be their entertainment director.
- allow your kids to fail and teach them how to deal with it in a healthy way.
- common areas need to be kept clean and organized, personal rooms can be up for discussion.
- sometimes kids need to sit in their own crap to see the truth. sometimes kids need a swift kick in the rear to get them to listen to reason. this tension is easier to manage the better you know your kids. pray for wisdom still.
- teach your kids about sin and their depravity. teach them more still about the grace they are being freely offered.
- allow kids to experience what QUIET feels like.
- encourage kids to try as many different activities/sports as they want/can. let them figure out what they're good at and what makes them come alive.
- practice biblical femininity, masculinity, and hospitality to them.
- keep working out your own crap - its going to get passed on to your kids otherwise. or worse, it will distract you/hurt them in the process.
- laugh. as much as possible.
- fight the battle between respecting their privacy and knowing what they're doing when they are not with you.
- just b/c they've texted you telling you they're going to their friends house does NOT mean they are actually going there at all. trust is good - but people are capable of lying too. don't be naive.
- don't categorize kid's friends as good or bad influences. they are all made in the image of god - and ought to be treated as such.
- demonstrate to them what it looks like to struggle well.
- teach them an appreciation for where they come from. both historically and familial.
- ensure that they are aware that the entire world does not revolve around the USA - display world maps.
- encourage them to learn more about the things they are curious about.
- enlighten them in the joys of bold love.
- remember that it is developmentally appropriate for them to think they know everything when they are 12-21. be gracious in this even though it can get annoying.
- take lots of pictures. display their artwork. encourage them to express themselves in as many ways as possible.
- crying is completely ok. fake tears with the intention of manipulation are not.
- on that note, ALL emotions are ok and valid (hurt, joy, anger, fear etc.).
- writing thank you notes should be valued.
- make having a sabbath day a priority.
- talk to them about life from the beginning. then when they're 14 it won't be as awkward.
- consider having foster kids.
- promote recycling, reusing, and not wasting paper towels.
- no TVs in their rooms
- going on individual dates with them is a good thing. make it a priority.
- encourage an appreciation for hymns.
- a crisis usually =s a teachable moment, so use them for such.
- remind kids to say their pleases and thank yous.
- don't live through your kids. thats just embarrassing to all parties involved.
- remember that everything always changes. but don't forget to enjoy them.
and i'm spent.....for now atleast.
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