i want a car with an ipod cord adapter thingy

have you ever been listening to the radio in your car, then go deep into thought (for me this usually involves coming up with ways to look professional at work at yet still manage to wear comfy clothes) and then suddenly realize you're listening to creed/lifehouse/daughtry. ewwwww!!!! yeah, that happened to me at least three times today. i threw up in my mouth a little each time.

ps if im driving in your car with you and a song by one of the before-mentioned artists comes on and you do NOT immediately change the station, i'm judging you, fyi.

henri matisssssssssssssssssssssssse

so when marta and i were in chicago we went and visited 2 places i was excited about. the first was the bean in millennium park and the other was the Art Institute of Chicago - which had the most legit/enjoyable collection of modern art (which does not include that impressive of a list so im sure its not the greatest). anyways, they were in the midst of a special collection of henri matisse, so of course, we went.

now there are a few things you should know:

1. the exhibit mainly focused on his work right before, during and right after WW1 - so the sample size did not cover all of his work by any stretch of the imagination
2. i dont know crap about good art
3. they showed basically everything the dude did during this WW1 time - even the stuff he did as a retreat after he would get done with really difficult (and beautiful and famous) paintings/sculptures.

and here's what you should know about matisse, in my pov

1. home boy likes to draw his still life nudes in the MOST sexual positions ever. i mean seriously, i realize he was painting in france and thats what all the cool kids do, but i seriously averted my eyes several times b/c i was convinced my purity was at stake....kinda
2. henri was kinda like picasso, but not really
3. i don't know if this is true of most artists, but matisse seriously used a butt load of mediums to work with. i was impressed with his skills in all of them.
4. this is except for his etchings and drawings which i'm pretty sure were the examples (in my hdfs "children" book that i had for child development) that showcased what a typical 12 year old was capable of creating.

but don't get me wrong, the dude has talent and he did things that weren't really being done at the time.

so, don't hate when i say:

true or false: i'm pretty sure i could do this, and maybe even better than henri himself......

survey says: TRUE

wake up call

do you ever have those moments in life where the lord totally kicks your butt? he pulls back the curtain he's allowed you to put up that's covering up all the ways you are currently trading those"uglier" sins for the ones that are easier to hide. you know, those moments where you see your total and utter depravity. those moments where you can't use the excuses that you've come up with that basically domesticate jesus until he looks just like you. those moments where you're naked and ashamed in eden.

those are some ugly moments.

every so often jesus lets me have it. he lets me see all of it. all of its grossness, all of the hurt is causes, all of the shame it comes from, all of the pitiful attempts i make at excusing it away, ALL of the ruin.

this used to happen to me before i became a christian. and i would run. i would turn off my brain or i'd convince myself i'd been "found out" and that tomorrow at school i'd better find some new friends. (side note: this was an upside to moving all the time - i never had to go the distance in any relationship b/c it always came to an end before it ever got too hard) i literally could not handle it so as soon as i could feel myself experiencing all this shame and guilt i'd come up with a way i could fix it, all by myself.

well last a few nights, when marta and i were in chicago visiting mi hermana, mary, good ole jesus literally woke me up. at around 3:45 in the morning. and kept me awake. for the next hour. and let me just tell you, he let me have it. but in the most beautiful way, i promise. b/c yes, i get it now, in so many ways i didn't when i was 16 and all paranoid and super insecure.

so thanks jesus for the reminder that your grace really is amazing b/c when that curtain gets pulled back, man oh man, i aint got nothing but grace to claim.

labri 2010

so i promise to write about what i learned this weekend at some point this weekend. i currently have no plans (how does that happen?) so i should have plenty of time to reflect. in the mean time, labri FINALLY has a website of FREE mp3s to download. OMG. my life is worth living once again.

seriously, check it out. your life will be forever changed.

i need to get back to neverland. stat.

so tony came over today and fixed our remote. yay! AND bible study was cancelled. so in an effort to avoid cleaning my room and packing for labri, i thought id catch myself up on all the TV i've been missing for the last two weeks. happy happy joy joy, right? WRONG!

i tried watching the bachelor - and had to turn it off after 3 minutes. i literally could not handle the pettiness, fakeness and hearing jake say "this journey...." one more time. this didn't surprise me though. i've literally tried 4 or 5 times to like the bachelor this season, i have after all been a faithful watcher since deanna dumped jason for jesse and then jason dumped melissa for molly and jillian but ended up with molly and then jillian somehow managed to end up with ed. and yes, i know, the relationship web of this show is ooc. anyways, this season i've tried. i mean really, i have. but every time i would turn it on i would just have to turn it off. and i told myself it would get better as more girls got eliminated, but it simply has not. my skin still crawled as i watched the first 5 minutes of the hometown date show.

ok. so i was coming to grips with the fact that i probably am going to have to put my bachelor days behind me. so i turn to an old trusted friend. PROJECT RUNWAY. yes. what could be caddy and unappealing about making pretty dresses? hahahaha. oh my ignorance. oh course, the episode is a partner challenge and the rudeness and back stabbing is out in full force. skin crawling commences again.

ok. then i decide to watch something on real tv....bc obviously dvr is failing, epically. good ole american idol is on. now ive never watched this show, ever. well maybe like twice, but i was in high school and i didnt know any better. again, 3 minutes in and i have to turn it off. and not bc simon is that mean or bc ellen isnt that funny but just from the PURE awkwardness of everyone. i just can't handle it. skin crawlingly awful. ughhhh, i shutter just thinking about it.

so now im half way through packing for labri and doing a few loads of much needed laundry. and i realize that i can no longer watch reality tv. can i even still be an effective KREW leader? or, am i really turning into "one of those people who thinks they are above trashy pop culture?" or, is the entertainment industry really that bad?

so ive come up with 3 solutions.

1. i need to start watching season 1 of LOST asap. some thoughtful story lines injected into my tv diet should be helpful.
2. i can always rely on the west wing. why do i ever even stray?
3. puzzles with sharon. a completely mindless and rewarding activity that provides future wall hangings for girl intern house.

i realize these are all completely nerdy solutions to my realization that reality tv and i are no longer in a relationship, but apparently i have no other choice.

ps sorry kate. i know this hurts your feelings.

cold feet

so earlier i was emptying our brand spankin new dishwasher. i get to the bottom rack and start in on the pots and pans. i go to grab for marta's red skillet and then promptly drop it on my right big toe. ouch. it started bruising immediately.

now i'm sitting on the couch working on some school stuff and it occurs to me: i should really put some ice on my toe if i want to walk on it tomorrow. i mean seriously there is already a large bump. a few moments later i think: man, i should really put on some socks, b/c my feet are freezing.

and then it occurs to me. allie, just use your toes as ice. BRILLIANT.

this is why i have a blog....to keep track of all my random thoughts

so lately i've been thinking....

1. when your love language is quality time it takes a whole LOT of effort to love all the people you want to love in your life. well at least to do it well. i wonder if i'll ever get better at managing my time in such a way that allows me to love all the people i want to love well and still have a job, pay my bills, and get my oil changed. too bad my love language isn't gift giving, that seems so much more time-effective.
2. winter break makes me want summer break real bad. actually, winter in general makes me want summer real bad. regardless of whether or not im in school/at work.
3. vacations where you do absolutely nothing and are with a good friend are ideal. seriously, 3 days on the beach with sharon was so needed. last minute trips are also awesome. and being in charge of your own schedule is quite nice.
4. making big life decisions is scary. obviously. deciphering the lords will is also difficult. especially when curve balls get thrown in. are you trying to change my mind here lord or am i supposed to learn that just because something outside of my control changes doesn't mean i came to the wrong conclusion the first time? when no obviously evil seems to come from either decision - which do you choose, especially when the future seems so unpredictable.
5. grading is by far my least favorite part of teaching. i really thought i'd enjoy it more. FALSE. similarly, going back to school to get my masters and writing papers all the time is also unappealing. basically, i just want to be able to interact with people all day and have a secretary keep track of all the details and paperwork. is that so wrong?
6. gods timing really is quite funny. i think i can count at least 8 times in just the last 5 days where i have literally laughed out loud at the way the lord has answered prayers of mine in his own time. and how dissatisfied i was before with him b/c i felt like he wasn't being good to me. oh how silly i can be. yes lord, your timing is good and perfect. point made.
7. i can already tell these next two months are just going to fly by. then its spring break/easter. and thats practically summer. i think i'll be 83 before i feel like my life slows down again.
8. i get so much more accomplished when music is playing. but it has to be headphones. not on my computer speakers. does this mean i have add?
9. i wish it was socially acceptable to cuddle up with a blanket in coffee shops. i almost did it today, but decided against it.
10. i like when god shows me how he has tangibly grown me. it makes me want to keep going. keep pursuing all the hard emotions and hurts - to find healing and fighting for restoration. he really is sweet to do this for me. i need proof - so my head keeps convincing my heart to keep going.

ok thats 10 for 2010. and no, i do not make new years resolutions. this is about as close that you'll get to that from me.